HOMEGROWN

Good(bad) Poetry

If I keep myself cutting
will I finally find the place
Inside these veins
where I don't see your face

If I keep myself tearing
at the spot in my mind
Will you eventually be a memory
that no one can find

How do I make it end
Do I want it to end?

...
die
cow suit

(no subject)

oh man. yesterday. theres this small group of elementary school kids in the neighborhood where i work... they like to come in to the shop and buy stuff. they're in like once a week. so yesterday, they came in... 3 of them. one of them had a emo haircut... and he was really pale and his hair was dyed black. i laughed a little to myself. they were asking sarah a question and i blurted out "are those girl pants?"... and they were. a 6th grade emo boy. :D oh man.
  • Current Mood
    bouncy
hurt myself

I have to share

So I was walking into Zias just about an hour ago and I saw something that made me feel just a little less sad for the world. Walking though the parking lot with a brother or something was a little 5 year old emo kid. Studded belt, bangs, all in black. It was just great. He was even wearing a Fallout Boy shirt.

For a minute I think I almost felt happy. But then I saw that they still don't have an xcore section so I had to carve a poem in my arm.
  • Current Music
    the blood drying on my arm

Lost Friend.

So, the other day I was out shopping (at Russian run second hand stores and Hot Topic!!!!!!!!!oneoneone!!!e1even!!!111!!!) and I ran into an old friend in the food court. Please understand (even though no one understands me) that this girl was the mostest emo girl I have ever been friends with in my whole miserable existence. So much so, that she tried to slit her wrists in a coffee shop using plastic forks. The fork tongs kept breaking, but she just kept going, breaking fork after fork in a fevered attempt to end her terrible life. When she realized she couldn't off herself using plastic forks she just sat there and cried into her latte. I suggested she use a spork instead, because they're stronger. She vowed never to be my friend again and stormed, sobbing out of the coffee shop.

I wrote her an apology poem and we had a good cry over the whole thing. But, I hadn't seen her in a very long time. Then all of a sudden, there she was, eating a cinnabon. We almost collided.

After a few moments of saying stupid meaningless things like "hi", I suddenly noticed she was wearing Old Navy head to toe, and none of it was black! She had let her NATURAL HAIR COLOR GROW OUT and was dragging along a guy wearing some sort of sports jersey and baggy pants!

I just blurted out "What happened to you?"

You won't believe what she said. "I got help for myself, M. I went to a doctor and he helped me. I went through lots of therapy. He put me on some anti-depressants which really helped. I did some time in groups trying to sort myself out, and I made so many friends there I can hardly count them. Lots of people just like you and me. Well, like we used to be anyway."

USED TO BE? I was stunned. I wanted to cry, but I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't. It was an awful feeling. I wrote a poem about it later.

Then she dropped a bomb on me. "I also found Jesus. I'm a mormon now."

All of a sudden I knew how she felt that day when I told her a spork would work so much better. Like my friend had turned on me! And she did! SHE TURNED ON ALL OF US!!!ONETHOUSANDONEHUNDREDELEVEN!!! I poured my heart out to her right then and there. I told her all about how my life was going. All the shows, all the studded belts, all the black hair dye and eyeliner. I told her about how I wrap myself in wet blankets, walk to a secluded area, role in the soggy pete moss, cry and cut until dawn, or until stray dogs chase me away. I really let into her.

You know what she said to me? "I'll pray for you."

You know what I said? "I'll cry for you."

Then I went back to shopping, although, I did make a special purchase at Hot Topic and dedicated it to the memory of one of the most xhardxcorex girls I USED TO know. Red eyeshadow, to match the blood mixed with my tears, both that I shed for my lost friend.

M.
  • Current Music
    Lost My Lipstick -- EmHo